Balance & Sacrifice

[Savi]

Have any of you ever struggled to balance your relationship and your kung fu training (or business) to the point where you had to choose one or the other? Were you able to keep them in balance, or did you have to take a break from one, or leave one altogether?

I'd like to get some responses from everyone, including business owners and HFY disciples. I'd like to hear of your own experiences and lessons learned, if you don't mind of course...

In terms of priority/importance, how would you rank these and why:

1. relationship
2. kung fu training
3. job/business
4. family

[ShawnMiller]

I know where you are coming from. I am currently making sacrifices that (of course) i hadn't planned on. I was supposed to have a very easy and laid back teaching schedule this session. This would have allowed for a lot of oppurtunities to train. :eek: Well this went sour fast and after another instructor quit, I now have a heavy teaching schedule. Now before I complain too much, I did volunteer to help because I would like to help with the problems not create more. This in turn helps my co-workers and boss and it pays the bills.

As for the rest of the life stuff... I like to think that my kung fu is part of every aspect of my life. i practice my kung fu at work, home, community etc. I may not be working on my forms and details every minute but I work things like envirnmental awareness and such. How I deal with others around me etc. Pretty much everything.

Right now I am working 15 hour days but I have the benefit of my wife taking classes at the school I work at. We carpool together and share meal time when she is at the school. I just make sure that the times that I am with her, I am with her. I try to make the quality of time together more important then the quantity of time.

The biggest thing that I think about is that I was a practitioner of kung fu before I meet my wife and a lot of my friends. Kung fu help make the person that everybody loves. If I were to quit or slow down any more, I would not be the person that they all know and love so much. :D Because of thier relationship with me, kung fu is very much part of thier lives too, even if they don't realize it.

hope that my trail wasn't to loopy to follow.
And remember, a gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a man perfected without trials.

[JK Walz]

Savi-

One of the things I remember GM Gee saying a few years ago during a seminar was something like "A man can only be one thing- A kung fu man, a family man, or a business man" (this is paraphrased).

This has ALWAYS stuck with me and I think about it often. It is very difficult to balance the three and virtually impossible to commit yourself fully to one while maintaining the others. I would suggest that you (or anyone) needs to decide which one they are.

Sure you can be all three if you want -BUT- you won't be able to commit fully to any. You can choose one and commit to it fully -BUT- you had better be prepared to have difficulties with the others. There is no way around this reality and the sooner you get it figured out, the happier you (and those around you and those who love you) will be!

This is simply my opinion based on a few years of first hand experience and I still haven't figured it out...

JK

[dmilner321]

I haven't posted much lately, but this is an excellent question, and it caused me to reflect a lot.

To me, harmony of time, space, and energy means that harmony extends to other areas of my life - so that there is harmony and balance between the different facets of my life. There is a harmony between my identity as a husband, as a father, as a kung fu student, as a business person. My identity or the real me is all of these elements in balance.

The challenges for me are tradeoffs for time in the short term. In the long term I would not be happy as just a business person, just a husband, or just a kung fu practitioner without the other elements of my identity - who I am - being in balance.

What I learn from HFY is to maintain harmony in TSE - and what I observe that to mean for me personally is that just like if someone entered my space with a hostile posture I train to restore the harmony and balance in TSE, likewise if business, family, etc. and struggles therein disrupt my identity of who I am in TSE, then I move to restore the harmony and balance.

I can't necessarily prioritize all those categories - like relationship #1, family #2, kung fu #3, business #4, etc, and make decisions based upon priority. Life doesn't fit in nice little compartments. But I can move and adjust to restore the harmony and balance of who I am - my identity in TSE.

Interesting discussion.

[Savi]

Shared from the Public HFY Forum:

"I believe I have just experienced what is referred to as a paradigm shift. In my case, it was a very turbulent one that lasted for 3 solid days. My universe was twisted, bent, broken, shattered, dissipated, and after manifesting itself in the physical form of anxiety attacks - in the blink of an eye it became as clear as a sunset over an ocean of absolute peace. It is a feeling of calmness and certainty.

I have come to understand that to have a HFY identity is to be true to one's nature. Whether it be a family person, a business person, a kung fu person, or any other role one has chosen/identified.

To know yourself is to recognize your true nature, and to harmonize with it and with the universe around you. Choices no longer seem impossible to make, because within that certainty is an awakening.

Hello everyone, I am awake."

There are some things still too near, I have not the heart to verbalize it yet. But rest assured, thank you to all who have shared what they have had to share, so far.

I truly look forward to furthering this discussion. I will share more in the near future, once things have settled alittle more inside me. If you (anyone) have something to say/add, by all means post it!

[Allen Kong]

Savi,

Personally, I believe it's really hard to rank the items you have listed. I live everyday with different priorities. Somedays, family may be more important than kung fu, job, or relationship. Other days, kung fu may be the most important thing you have. I don't think that you can have just one, as the other 3 things keep you balance and sane. I TRUELY believe that 24 hours in a day is just not enough to accomplish what I really want to accomplish. I choose the lifestyle that I am currently living and I tried my best to do all that I can. Most of the time, it is not enough.

As a disciple in the Hung Fa Yi family, you exhausted all you can to make your Sifu proud of you. I think about kung fu throughout the day. What I need to do. What can I do for the HFY family. What is needed at the Kwoon. It is not easy, but I don't want it any other way.

As a son who looks after his parents, you do all the chores that is asked of you to do and then more in order to ease the workload of your parents. Most parents go through a lot of hardship in order to allow their siblings to live an easier life. Anything I do will be the least I can offer back.

As one of the leader in my job, I have to look after 6 people, with all different work experiences. I can say that I'm stressed probably most of the day.

As someone who was involved in a relationship, I always make it clear that the above three things are part of me, my life, my soul. If you want to take one away, one part of me dies with it and you will then be involve with a different person. Someone you will not know, just a face you remember/recognize.

Hope this helps a little. At the end, you just want to make a difference!

sincerely,

Allen

[JamesHFYofAZ]

Dude Savister,
Lets break stuff down a little. Kung fu life- First off life is more then a couple of years. You have all the time in the world if you focus on controlling your own space (life). The way I see it, you have the four choices that you've listed as individual, but they are truly only one.

For example, I have had to physically stop training for three, soon to be 4.75 months, so that I may gather sufficient education to support the upcoming years of hard, dedicated kung fu life of becoming a sifu. One may see that as a sacrifice but I see it as an advantage. Although this has been tough for me to leave kung fu family and friends because the bond made, I have found it an excellent experience which intern makes my kung fu stronger.

Read your self for better understandings of self.

03-17-2004 08:17 AM-What you will learn from HFY is applicable to anything and everything you are looking for in life; it's very universal in that respect.

01-28-2004 07:59 PM "Like looking at a beautiful horizon with no appreciation, and no yearning for direction.

But then again, we can never escape the cycle of life. There is always yin and yang."

I thought this was a good one. - 01-27-2004 12:04 PM like to tell myself: "All you have to do, is decide what to do with the time that is given to you..." believing that we are all inherently moral people.

The cycle of birth and death is within every breath. What do you choose to cherish and focus on?"

If you want more, I have a list of them!!! Your a smart guy, don't get blinded by selfishness, others suggestions, or allusions/distortions of reality, just now that you will always have friends, family, relationships, and your KUNG FU LIFE. I can say this for sure, you will have one hell of an experience in any big choices you make, and that’s reality!

Just keepin it real, JamesHFYofAZ

[Savi]

Sorry James, I had to edit your post for structural reasons. I put in a couple of spaces here and there cuz it was confuzing. I left your words as they are. ;)

I find most common to be true, that we do not listen enough to the advice we give others; especially when we are in our down times. It's another experience of the Fau Kiu.

Thank you James.

Getting back into the game of things is also a brand new experience. After absolutley no kung fu training for two weeks, and then coming back into the school is a very humbling experience. I have a new perspective on what I thought I once knew.